Recently I was speaking with a friend about our homes. She has lived in her's a long time and though it's not in the location of her dreams her heart is satisfied there as she is close to her family.In my life I have moved house 27 times. 4 of the moves happened when I was a child so the remaining 23 happened from when I left home at 15years old til now, aged 42. The thing is...the house I'm in now I moved into 3 years ago. I bought it 4 years ago, and the renovations took 9 months to complete. I made it exactly as I wanted , from bathroom suites, to kitchen units, the spindles on the staircase to the colour on the walls - perfect. Charlie (my son) chose the colour of his bedroom too - a beautiful, bright purple, with light fittings and curtains to match. I have now officially been living in my house longer than I've lived anywhere, and I can feel an agitation creeping back into my psyche.
I do love the material home I have made, but I miss my friends so deeply it makes me ache at times.
I did my "growing up" 3 hours north of here on the beautiful Moray coast and I'm still in touch with many of my friends up there. I was 17years when I moved there to do my nurse training, and I stayed in that area off and on for over 1o years.
I want to give my son the stability of finishing school where we live now so he can be with his friends and see his Dad throughout these important years. I meditate to keep hold of that peaceful place in my heart, as I know that having peace within me will stop me from doing anything rash!
Over the years friends and family have got used to writing my "new" address in pencil in their address books. I must have kept the "New Home" card industry in business over the years!
I am in awe of those dear friends of mine who have bought their houses at the start of their lives together and have that air of contentment which has, so far eluded me.
I have been blessed with having many, many friends and good people in my life, and for that I am extremely grateful. I will keep in touch with you all and, for now, stay put in a home that I am incredibly fortunate to have. A home for Charlie to grow up in, a place filled with his laughter and a warm place for my friends and family from every corner of the world to visit and be welcomed with open arms!
"The most valuable things in life are not measured in monetary terms. The really important things are not houses and lands, stocks and bonds, automobiles and real estate, but friendships, trust, confidence, empathy, mercy, love and faith." - Bertrand Russell
I'm not surprised you feel that agitation. Or, at least, I can identify with it. I reckon the more you move the harder it is to ever feel 'at home' anywhere. My partner and I have often talked about this - both of us one the move for much of both our childhood and adult lives. Perhaps one of the challenges is that because we've moved so much, we know we can again! In other words, given that there are pros and cons to any place on earth, when we're in a mood to see what's missing where we are, we can always a) remember that we had that missing thing somewhere else (and it isn't always fantasy...)and b)seriously consider moving on to find somewhere that feels better. I think it might be a side effect of a strong sense of agency - knowing that you can change your life if you need to - perhaps it's something that people who meet their challenges head on have to cope with?
ReplyDeleteThanks Tamsin! I agree with what you're saying -moving so much really weakens the roots!
ReplyDeleteMoving home - as we did last summer - is so so stressful1! However for us as a family it was a new beginning and the end of the most troubled time in our lives. Merely by finding a fresh location we all felt healthier and happier and your friends are in your heart so they just move with you! If they don't - they're not real friends!
ReplyDeleteExactly! I have friends all over the place, and it's great to know that they're "there" for me, as I am for them no matter where I happen to be living.
ReplyDelete