Growing into you.

I planted a load of wild flower seeds in April, they were so tiny I almost lost them in the creases of the palm of my hand! Yesterday I was weeding around the area where they're growing, they now stand about a 12inches high , swaying and moving in the breeze with elegant bends and curtsies, I marvelled at their size.

When my cousin was staying she planted some radish seeds, and 2 days ago I picked four of them to have in a salad, beautiful red, crisp and spicy, planted and tended to and now ripe and ready to eat.

As I planted the wild flower seeds I knew what to expect...the picture on the packet told me what varieties were in there. But I have no concept really on what the seeds go through to become the beautiful adult plants they are now. When cousin Jo-Ann put the radish seeds in the ground I didn't wait and watch expecting them to grow into onions. If I wanted onions I should have planted onions.

Sometimes we try to mould ourselves to be like others, to please them or perhaps we believe if we don't agree or go along with what they want from us we'll be rejected.

I'd rather be rejected by a person that have my bodymind reject me! My body is far more important, my health far more crucial than someone who wants me to ignore my core essence.

Your bodymind wants you to be authentic! Be the person you were born to be - don't ignore the little "nudges" you get, the insights into what you might like to do differently, pay attention! If someone is telling you to be something else, something that takes you away from your truth -STOP! Notice how your body feels around this person, notice how the body feels when this person is not with you. For your own life's sake be honest with yourself about what you want, and who you want to be in the world. When you start living authentically you'll start to attract the right people into your life and opportunities will present themselves to you that give you the chance to be who you know you are!

"It takes courage to grow and become who you really are." - E.E Cummings

Making comparisons

While walking on a remote track on the island of Jura I came across the ruins of a cottage. The gable ends of the house stood, regally with fireplaces at each end. The walls stood less than half their original height, an isolated reminder of a life long forgotten.

On this walk the rain was falling (driving?) horizontally with gale force winds battering into my face and body, I felt invigorated!

It didn't matter as I was well wrapped up, but thinking of the crofters that once inhabited this barren place I thought about the clothing they had. Deer skins, sheep wool, leather from cattle - no Rab or North Face back then!

Mortality rate was high of course but were they made of stronger stuff? Is it impossible to think about living that way now because of all the comforts we have grown so used to having? They worked hard on the land to provide food for their families, and to protect themselves from the harsh environment.

Living in such a rural location I imagine they didn't have a lot of opportunity to compare their lives with others.

It was that thought that made me wonder about the frustrations and depressions some feel today. Is part of it because we compare our lives with that of our neighbours and disgruntlement sets in? Wanting more, expecting to be able to match what others have. So often this results in huge debts being run up and yet there is always more to strive for...more "stuff", more material bit and pieces as if gaining those will somehow make our life complete.

STOP!!! Just for a moment do a reality check on the life you have. There's nothing wrong with wanting to gain a better quality to your life, but pay attention to what your head is telling you "quality" is...my guess is your body may have a different idea!

It wants you to have the best quality of life, which to bodymind means quite simply the fundamentals of life! Without those foundations everything can feel out of balance. So keep in touch with friends, go out into nature and spend time outside of your home, eat well, rest and close your eyes to the media and society's bombardment that you need more.

"A wise man looks upon men as he does on horses; all their comparisons of title, wealth, and place, he consider but as harness." - Robert Cecil

Home is where the heart is.

It's not news to those who know me that I love Scotland..the land, the people, the climate (amazingly, I don't mind the weird variants and wet springs, summers, autumns and winters) and yet after 3 years in my renovated house in a lovely Angus village I'm getting ready to consider a move back to Kirriemuir, just 10 miles from where I live now.

I moved to school in Kirriemuir when I was in primary 3, making friends I still have today. Now, as my son approaches the age to start high school I have a yearning to move back so he can go to the school his sisters and I attended.

The familiarity of the streets, the faces of the locals, though often I don't know their names, all give me a sense of comfort and reassurance that this is the place I want to settle.

I've moved and moved and moved again, living in a variety of locations as far north as Morayshire and as far south as Wiltshire, England - and here I am with my heart set on heading back to the home I left at 17years old.

I remember the anger I projected onto this town as a teenager. It was with a spring in my step I left to move to Moray where I'd been accepted to do my nurse training, a place I'd never visited, a place with unknown faces, and unknown streets.

It was not Kirriemuir's fault that I had some sad and bad memories! All my teenage angst projected onto a town whose red sandstone buildings I'd leant against and laughed with friends, the texture of the dry, dimpled stone so, so familiar.

And now...as an adult with a wealth of life experience I recognise the beauty of the familiarity my old town offers. If only my head and body had been aligned way back then I may not have run away 3hours north, I may have gone temporarily but come back to the place that I know so well without that bitterness in my heart.

So as the house hunting goes on I feel I have now made my peace with an old acquaintance called Kirriemuir.

"Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to." - John Ed Pearce.