To write and be free

To write without an audience in mind, to write for the sake of writing seems both freeing and frightening. If I don't have an audience, and I don't have feedback - who cares?
No-one but my ego.
This blog has given me an outlet to share my thoughts and feelings, from my life experiences to my dreams. Through the medium of writing I believe I have changed.  I am less bothered by the opinions of others and the worried me, the worrier who could be consumed by what others thought appears to have (finally) left the building.  I feel this has come about through a variety of positive things in my life - my children being healthy, well and settled - my husband - a hugely positive influence in my life, my work being fulfilling, and my tremendous network of friends
I spent some time today with my dear friend Jenny.  She and I have been friends a long time - we "get" each other, wholly and completely.  I appreciate her so much.  I am lucky. I never take my friendships for granted, especially this one.
The longer I live the more I realise that writing is the thing that enables me to be completely at ease and at peace with myself.  It moves me forward, it moves me into my grown-up adult self.  I love to see the words just appear in front of me, my fingers dancing across the key board; independent of my thoughts or consciousness - at least that's how it feels when I'm really in the groove and keeping myself out of it.
The minute my head starts thinking about the content, and who may or may not like it, is the moment I start over analysing each word.  My fingers stumble as they strike the appropriate key as instructed by my Sergeant Major Ego, my fingers no longer dancing but dragging themselves reluctantly from key to key to space bar to return.
But not today.  Today I feel grounded and the words are flowing from me as I type.  If someone reads my words and they find it resonates with them, then that's great; equally if someone else finds my writing annoying then that's okay too! What I know without doubt is that I need to write - the more I do the more I feel it's what I must do.
Today I feel incredibly happy and grateful that I can and do have time in my day to write.   Writing is my gift to myself  and enables all my emotions, ideas and thoughts to glide as freely from me as the wind blowing unhindered through the trees. Find whatever it is that makes you feel free and do it!  Think not of your audience, but of how well you will sleep at night knowing you've been true to yourself. There really is no time like now to let go of the restrictions created in your mind by you, for you.
"Writing has been for me like a bath from which I have risen feeling cleaner, healthier, and freer." - Henrik Ibsen.
"A person is a fool to become a writer.  His only compensation is absolute freedom.  He has no master except his own soul, and that, I am sure, is why he does it." - Roald Dahl.