Friendship, creativity and serenity.

On Sunday I got home at nearly midnight after a long day, a flight and a two hour car trip to find this gift waiting in my garage. It was interesting to notice how quickly my fatigue and grumpiness lifted when I tore through the packaging to find this pleasingly tactile creation!
A beautiful hand turned wooden bowl, lovingly made by my friend David Kuegler, accompanied by a spoon made by his friend and Greenwood Craftsman, Steve Tomlin.
I was truly moved by the thoughtfulness behind my gift from David.  The HM (headmind) BM (bodymind) lettering on the spoon is very apt indeed.  That flow between both parts of us is absolutely essential while we eat, but also while we make the food we want to eat, and how David, Steve and any craftsman or creative person should be in order to be in that wonderful aligned place where anything is possible.
We must be careful not to slag off the headmind too much, without it where would we be?!  What I love is knowing I can rely on my headmind to "come up with the goods" providing I keep my feet on the ground, feel what feels right and use my head to put those feelings into action.  When I write I choose carefully the music I want to listen to, based purely on the way I feel. There's minimal headmind involvement in the making of that decision. I sit for a moment and breathe deeply into my tummy, and then I pay attention to whatever comes up from my intuitive bodymind into my headmind and start putting those feelings and thoughts down into my blog, newsletter or other piece of writing.
So, whether you're eating your food, walking in nature, creating something wonderful or simply sitting chatting with your family - be present and be fully there. Being peacefully aware of this moment right now allows your headmind and bodymind to be in its most natural flow.  The beauty of being in that aligned place is that you permeate a serenity the like of which oozes from you and extends to all those you interact with.  What a win win for you and those you care about!
"Every breath we take, every step we make, can be filled with peace, joy and serenity."  - Thich Nhat Hanh

Listen up! I want to hear your voice!

When you're silenced there is injustice.
The bodymind feels this injustice deeply and will not let you bite your tongue, or swallow your words without responding in some way.
For most, this response comes in the form of symptoms.

IBS.
Lower back pain.
Fatigue.
Brain fog.

Shut your mouth.
Hush now.
Be quiet.
Shut up.

It's not okay, and never will be for you to think that it's safer to keep quiet, or for you to think that what you have to say is irrelevant.
Who is making you believe that your voice, words and thoughts are not worth hearing?

Surround yourself by those you can share with, those who you enjoy listening to and who want to hear what you have to say.

Please don't give your power away to anyone who needs to keep you quiet in order for them to keep control of you.

No matter how many excuses your headmind comes up with - it's not okay.

Your bodymind doesn't want to use symptoms in order to encourage you to pay attention to what's happening, but it will if it sees you "making do" with a situation that isn't healthy for you.

Listen carefully to your symptoms.

How much louder do those symptoms have to get before you take action?

Loving you isn't difficult, and it starts with caring enough about yourself to remove yourself from loveless people.

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." - Harvey Fierstein

The importance of change

Nature is an infinite source of inspiration for my writing.  I never take for granted that in this little part of the world the beauty surrounding me serves as my constant muse.
On this morning's drive to Kirriemuir I observed the beech, the oak, the sycamore and the ash trees all perfectly still - yet the forecast warned of impending gales and I wanted to whisper to them an early warning of the severe weather which will, inevitably cause them some damage.
Driving on it reminded me of that stillness that I love so much, that stillness which often whets my desire for more and more of those quiet, peace filled times.  I know just as the trees do that the stillness will pass, and it will return just as the gales will too.
The ebb and flow.
The dying and the new born.
The rain and the sunshine.
Each means more with the knowledge of the other.
We cherish the new born because of the transience of life.
We are thankful for the rain, as the crops need that source just as much as the sustenance provided by the sun.
I appreciate the stillness of the trees, laden with their autumnal leaves just as much as when their branches dance in the wind scattering a carpet of orange, gold and brown across the roads and fields.
I'm grateful for my eyes and their ability to see all that's around me, equally glad as night falls and I can close them while I descend into a dark place where sleep restores me.
Tomorrow my drive to Kirriemuir will look a bit different as the weather front will have scurried over the east of Scotland leaving a battered and bruised landscape in it's wake - and so the ebb and flow continues.
Life and the natural world is richer because of diversity and change, so instead of dreading it enjoy watching the colours and darkness that unfolds effortlessly, unpredictably, uncontrollably around you.
"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like." - Lao Tzu

Peace, calm and the passage of time

I was recently reminded of an event several years ago which resulted in my total immersion into sadness and confusion the like of which  I'd never before (or since) experienced.  The dawning of the truth that I had been duped -  tricked into believing something which had in fact been a complete lie.
My mind racing, my heart pounding I couldn't think straight.
The reality of what I'd perceived to be the truth, completely and utterly shattered.
My broken heart felt dark - weirdly heavy - strangely blackened and weighing heavily in my chest - I was unsure how it would ever repair itself, and kept asking myself in crazy whispers, " How did I feel before this revelation?"
Normality felt like a life time ago.
The trees looked different.
Were they sneering at me?
Everything looked weird.
Could nature be fake too?
As I walked I was sure the stony path was laughing at my naivety - silly girl!
As I lay my heavy head and body on the verge, the grass seemed to stroke my brow, perhaps in an attempt to comfort and slow my racing thoughts, my panicked head kept circling round and round, going over and over again and again the details of the event that had unfolded earlier in the day.
How could I speak again?
I needed to speak!
But who could I trust with this?  Who would believe what I so desperately needed to share?
"Breathe", I reminded myself.
"Just keep breathing"
I'm unsure now of the time frame, but I did - over time - start speaking again.  And, the beautiful thing was that all my wonderful  friends I spoke with held me close.
Cried with me.
Held me tight in their thoughts, prayers and physically held me too.
My lovely husband Andrew often feels sad (and a tad confused maybe) when he reads my blogs - asking, "Why do you share that type of story with the world? It's so personal and upsetting!"
And the reason is this:
If just one person out there is reading this and is dealing with devastating news then my hope is that my words help "hold" them and provide some comfort.  I'd hope too that this blog post provides them with some reassurance that the pain they feel right now really will pass.  I know too well that in the depths of it, that can seem like a trite and empty thing to say - but it is true!
"Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us." - David Richo



.

Finding the quiet place within you.

In the space between the hustle and bustle of life something wonderful can happen.

Clarity.

Peace.

A sense that all that rushing, planning and fussing was in fact orchestrated by external forces. Society held beliefs that not being "busy" is a sign of failure.  That peaceful core of you - that authentic self, does not want a life led at ninety miles an hour.

Slow down.

Slow down before your body takes away your ability to choose.

Reflecting back on my own years spent as a hedonistic thrill seeker, I feel a wave of sadness as I now see clearly that my attempt to get as far away from myself; my own pain, as possible was completely futile. 

Now, as I watch others, young and old(er) splashing their exuberant, extrovert antics over social media sites I know there's no point in diving into their world in an attempt to save them from themselves. 

It's okay.  

Quietly, and in the space between the busy times, they will get a nudge to slow down, a sign - hopefully a gentle one -  to just be quiet. Only by removing the false chatter, the empty laughter, the noise of being busy, can they start to build a relationship with that quiet place that has been waiting for them.  It doesn't want to be a stranger any more. 

As I sit here now watching a shrub bejewelled with bright yellow flowers dancing effortlessly in the summer breeze, I wonder why we have to try so hard? Society has dictated so much to us, we're left believing we need to be more than our beautiful, perfect selves.

The yellow flowering bush takes nutrition from the soil, the sun and is quenched by the rain.

Providing all those fairly simple needs are met, the plant will grow and flourish into it's beautiful adult self - perfect.

No ego.

No need for it to try to be something else.

Oh nature!  How inspiring you are!

And we are natural too - you are a beautiful, perfect being.

By meeting your physical, emotional and spiritual needs you can, and will, flourish into exactly what you are meant to be.

"Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in life has a purpose."  - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

"The best cure for the body is a quiet mind." - Napoleon Bonaparte

Your walk with your shoes on your feet.

Keep your head down, tow the line and whatever you do, don't raise your head above the parapet! If you live with those phrases rolling around your head, stop for a moment and ask yourself why you're allowing them any air play in your life?
Who is putting those thoughts there?  When did they arrive?  In childhood?  In a relationship?  In school?
You are here and you are entitled, by your very existence, to live your life authentically to fit with your very individual idiosyncrasies. You may not be approved of by some, and guess what?...That's okay!  I'm sure it's true for the majority of people that they'd rather be supported and loved by a few, than loved falsely by the masses.
If you constantly cow down to the needs of others you are doing yourself the very worst dis-service. When I buy second hand shoes I'm always disappointed because they've already assumed the shape of the previous owners feet!  They never truly feel like mine, it just feels like I'm making do with shoddy seconds.
Listen to yourself - listen to your own needs, and do your very best to walk your life; in your shoes; on your path.
"We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be." - May Sarton

An unfolding life.

Life is not something to be forced. Let go of the need to direct and control every aspect of your life. Letting go can enable an exquisite unfolding to occur.  Just as the beautiful butterfly emerges from it's chrysalis, gently, softly let your life reveal itself in its own time - as it needs to.
To rip open the chrysalis, demanding the butterfly unveil it's intricate, divine elegance to you right now could damage the fragile filaments that weave, web - like, so exactly through this intriguing creature.
Slow down.
Rest between life's struggles.  Tread carefully and mindfully through your days and trust that, by demanding less, more in fact will fall neatly into place uncovering all that is, and all that will be, your perfect life.
"You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway." - Steve Maraboli

Dark skies, hidden sun

Yesterday was confusing.
The sun shone and smiled down from a beautifully blue sky, the leaves gently rustled - how perfect!
A few short hours later, as I sat outside, I became aware of a change in the atmosphere. Tilting my head skywards the dark clouds cast a sinister backdrop to the lush green leaves of my silver birch. Rain drops tapped gently on my face, each globule a short, sharp slap in the face,
"Were you getting complacent, Kathleen?!"
Gentle, cold, refreshing, restorative raindrops, reminding me the smiling sun was a transient phase now long gone.
I'd been lulled into believing the whole day would be a dreamy, sunny Tuesday.
An event earlier in the day had left me with intense confusion.
If someone wants to speak with you, sharing what they perceive to be meaningful and important, do the honourable and kind thing - listen.
Don't just listen to the words falling from their mouth, but listen to the heartfelt meaning behind them.
For some people, the opportunity to feel safe enough to speak up can be but a fleeting moment.  Sadly, if the listener misses the point, who knows how long the, "speaker" will fall silent for? When all the conditions are right the speaker speaks and the listener hears.
Just as moisture heavy clouds rise up, climbing over hillsides only then, when they can no longer hold their heavy burdensome load, down and down the rain pours on the valley below, in perfect conditions the speaker shares and the listener, truly hears. How wrong, and damaging would it be for us to shout at the cloud, "STOP! Not now...I'm in the middle of cutting my lawn!"  Rain will come, and rain will go, sun will warm us and the combination enables our crops to grow.
Don't be the thunderous black sky casting a shadow on the transient, but beautiful moment someone feels able to speak up.
None of us can tell when their sun will shine again.
"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable." - David Ausburger

The blackbird, the bench and me.

After lunch today I lay down outside on my garden bench, bundled up in my puffy jacket, hood up, cosy and cocooned. I watched the wispy clouds obscure the sun, high up in the sky; so high even the larks aren't familiar with the view from that giddy height.
I fell asleep.
The blackbird chirped and tweeted with a bit too much enthusiasm.  Excitable, happy, bouncing feathery mass invading my slumbering space,
"Simmer down there Mr Blackbird!" I whispered.
I fell asleep.
My own song falls mute. Silenced by the volume of the thoughts in my head.  At times nothing seems able to drown the chatter.  Enthusiasm waning, breathing slowing, sleep creeps over me again. The dreamy thoughts come and go, as ever out with my reach; I can't truly grasp any meaning behind the words and images surfacing. And that's okay.
Then I begin to rouse again.
In my half awake state a quote leaps into my mind that I remembered hearing as a little girl,
"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." as a child back then I immediately thought,
 "That's not true!  They do know!"
Sitting back up, I wondered where all of that had come from! Mr Blackbird was unperturbed by my restless rest.  As ever his relentless chirping served as a  reminder that there is work to be done. Not even a dreamy Piscean perched on a bench in melancholy contemplation, was going to stop him.
These waves come and go.  They are all part of being human.  It only becomes problematic if we try to grab onto one of those waves and render it static. So, I've learnt to go with the flow, remaining unattached, attached only to the knowledge that all of this is forever changing.
"The trick is to be grateful when your mood is high and graceful when it is low." - Richard Carlson

A new prescription

I'm writing this sitting outside in the glorious spring sunshine.  A lady from the cafe has just come outside and sprinkled some cake crumbs on a large flat rock in front of me.  It's as if the crumbs landing on the rock simultaneously struck a dinner gong as a blackbird, a robin and a sparrow magically arrived to clear up the treat gifted by the kind hearted soul from the cafe.
Within seconds the flat rock is clear again - no evidence left, no sign of the delivery lady, the crumbs, or the collectors.
The cafe lady can wash her tub more easily now she's disposed of the crumbs. The birds enjoyed a feeding frenzy from an effortless find. A classic (and probably daily for this particular group) win-win scenario. Maybe we could all learn from this exchange.
From the moment the crumbs appeared, those three birds weren't searching blindly for their next scrap of food.
They came; they fed; they left.
The cafe lady gave what she had, and walked back into her day job.
Mutually beneficial.  Mutually effortless.
Too often one person falls prey to the, "Yes, it's okay, I'll do it!" virus.  While others seem to have a natural born immunity to it.  As time passes for the sufferers of the virus it's strength leaves them weakened and exhausted, plaguing them throughout their lives - with only short remissions occurring sporadically, lasting only a few days or weeks before the, "Yes, it's okay, I'll do it!" resistant virus leaps to the fore once more.
The cafe lady does what she can to support the birds in her patch.  The birds are obviously appreciative and didn't seem to mind sharing the meal between themselves either.
Do your bit, give back when you can, and make sure if you've been dogged by the, "Yes it's okay, I'll do it!" virus, prescribe yourself at least one, "No, sorry I can't right now." every day.
"Learning to say no can earn you respect from yourself as well as those around you." - Auliq Ice

Darkness, wisdom and daylight.

I wonder why it is that the thought I had complete clarity about in the wee small hours eludes me as soon as I fully waken?
It's as if daylight acts as a memory eraser.
Just as I'm heavily resting in that pre-wakened state it all makes sense - everything.  Life and death, the conscious and unconscious have unfolded in the most beautiful way, and I get it!
I keep my eyes closed in the hope that I can retain all I've understood and share all this comfort filled knowing with as many family and friends as will listen.
But, bit by bit as I rise up and up from my sleepy state, like a child clambering ever higher to reach the biscuit tin - it's always just a finger tips length away from my grasp. Then daylight snaps into my awareness and the "biscuit tin" has been snatched from me and locked back into the cupboard.
I wonder who puts those thoughts and images so clearly in my mind?  Is it the same person who so cruelly snatches them back?
Maybe, simply glimpsing and feeling that all is well should be enough. The frustrated child in me wants others to know why I feel this way - but without a clear explanation I risk sounding like a mad woman!
So, I'll keep my notebook and pen by my bedside in the hope that one of those days I will be able to clearly explain exactly what is contained within those night time wisdoms, before they magically dissolve into the mists of day break.
"Trust in dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity." - Khalil Gibran

An inspirational film

The other night I watched a documentary film which touched me deeply.  The description of, 'Cutie and the boxer' read:

'Cutie and the Boxer is a candid New York love story about life and art that explores the chaotic 40-year marriage of renowned “boxing” painter Ushio Shinohara and his wife and artist Noriko.'

I found the film to be intriguing, beautiful and at times a little disturbing.

The most endearing aspect of Ushio's personality was his determination and complete conviction towards following his passion - creating his, very unique form of art.

Ushio had tunnel vision, completely blinkered to the talents of his wife Noriko. It was sad playing witness to his own, often desperate attempts to have his art recognised and valued by the art world.

What I admired was the relentless, incomparable energy he threw into producing and promoting his work. 

Art fed him - he was his art. 

Despite being quite poor and living a hand to mouth existence, there seemed never to be a time where he thought he ought to get a, 'real' job to pay the bills and put food on the table. By the end of the film I had utter respect and admiration for Ushio and his equally artistic wife Noriko, who was completely devoted to art and her 40 year marriage to Ushio.

Following your passion and never deviating from that path, takes tremendous courage. The reward is health and contentment, with the occasional splattering of frustration and perhaps some condemnation from more conventional on-lookers. Being authentic and doing what you genuinely want to do is ultimately the only way to be....how many more signs and nudges do you need before you grab the opportunity to be yourself - whatever unique and wonderful form that takes? 

"It is your passion that empowers you to be able to do that thing you were created to do." - T. D. Jakes

Lighthouses, faith, you and me.

In my role as a therapist I have the privilege to meet and work with people from a broad spectrum of beliefs and spiritual backgrounds.
One thing I have learnt when speaking with my clients is that it matters to them that they get the chance to tell me a bit about their faith - often their faith makes up a huge part of their life, so their wish to share that with me is completely acceptable and understandable. I'm interested to hear about faith, so for me it's an educational part of our session and helps me gain a clearer understanding of the person I'm working with.
There's a thread that seems to connect each person who speaks to me about their faith - and when they speak about it I can often experience a wave of peaceful contentment as I listen to them describe what their faith brings to their life.
Just as a lighthouse shines out in the dark depths of night, no matter how treacherous the seas, no matter how isolated the sailor feels; the constant beckoning from the lighthouse provides comfort and security. For my clients with faith, however bad their symptoms, they often have a sense of peaceful knowing that all will be well.
Their "lighthouse" an unfaltering guide and companion on their journey through life.  Within each of them, it's unique; yet the same. A different name; yet the same.  A different place to worship; yet the same. A different way to pray; yet the same.  A different food to eat; yet the same.
Lighthouses are often shaped differently, standing solidly but in very different locations - yet they have the same job.  All different; but the same.
As lighthouses; as faith; as people.
Different - yet the same.
"All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree." - Albert Einstein
"The essence of all religions is one.  Only their approaches are different."- Mahatma Gandhi

Doing things at the right time.

We feel we have no time to create, to exercise, to work, to play and yet we have the same time available to us every day.  Some days are productive while others feel like we have lead weights tied around our ankles, unable to motivate ourselves our mood changes, we get frustrated, irritable and grumpy with our seemingly impossible situation.
This morning I lit my fire. I did what I always do, made paper sticks, took some small wooden sticks from my box of kindling, laid a single fire lighter in the middle of my wigwam shaped construction, struck a match and used the flame to light the fire lighter and some of the paper.  I watched as the smoke coiled and twisted its way upwards towards the flue.  Effortlessly smooth it just streamed upwards, unhindered - doing what it must do - the same route it always takes - up and up and up the length of the chimney and out through the chimney pot higher and higher, up and up.
The time it takes for the process to go from smokey beginnings to roaring, cosy fire varies each day. On a windy winters day it's effortless as draughts make combustion so much easier.  So, on calm days it takes a bit more effort, and a bit more time as I use all sorts of techniques to ensure the fire reaches it's potential.
If the chimney is blocked and needs cleaning this too will affect the time it takes to get my home cosy and comfortable.
Knowing that sometimes I will need to take longer to get my fire lit is fine - I'm prepared for that.  I know that some mornings there may not be any kindling in the box in the kitchen, so I'll need to do that first - there's no cutting corners when it comes to lighting a fire.  If I go to my kindling box and see there's no small pieces of wood left and I just sit down, get annoyed and try lighting it without them, at best it will light after several goes with enough  paper and fire lighters, but if I just take some time to chop some big wood into kindling sticks, ultimately the process will be a lot less effortful.
When you feel you have no time to do the things you want to do just STOP for a moment.  This morning the smoke coiled its way effortlessly up the chimney because all the conditions were right, the same is true of you. Some days, after a good restorative sleep you waken feeling energised and positive about all the things you will be able to do today, and you bound through your day achieving all you set out to do. On wakening after having a later night than normal you may feel sluggish, or less focused, and that's okay too! Get up, eat, do what you have to do and relax in the knowledge that this too will pass!  Even having a quick cat nap for up to 30 minutes in the day is fine - because you will achieve much more, with much less effort if you do what you want to do feeling refreshed and focused.
Now I must go and chop a log up into kindling sticks...that fire won't light itself tomorrow morning!
"I try to do the right thing at the right time. They may just be little things, but usually they make the difference between winning and losing." - Kareem Adbul-Jabbar

To write and be free

To write without an audience in mind, to write for the sake of writing seems both freeing and frightening. If I don't have an audience, and I don't have feedback - who cares?
No-one but my ego.
This blog has given me an outlet to share my thoughts and feelings, from my life experiences to my dreams. Through the medium of writing I believe I have changed.  I am less bothered by the opinions of others and the worried me, the worrier who could be consumed by what others thought appears to have (finally) left the building.  I feel this has come about through a variety of positive things in my life - my children being healthy, well and settled - my husband - a hugely positive influence in my life, my work being fulfilling, and my tremendous network of friends
I spent some time today with my dear friend Jenny.  She and I have been friends a long time - we "get" each other, wholly and completely.  I appreciate her so much.  I am lucky. I never take my friendships for granted, especially this one.
The longer I live the more I realise that writing is the thing that enables me to be completely at ease and at peace with myself.  It moves me forward, it moves me into my grown-up adult self.  I love to see the words just appear in front of me, my fingers dancing across the key board; independent of my thoughts or consciousness - at least that's how it feels when I'm really in the groove and keeping myself out of it.
The minute my head starts thinking about the content, and who may or may not like it, is the moment I start over analysing each word.  My fingers stumble as they strike the appropriate key as instructed by my Sergeant Major Ego, my fingers no longer dancing but dragging themselves reluctantly from key to key to space bar to return.
But not today.  Today I feel grounded and the words are flowing from me as I type.  If someone reads my words and they find it resonates with them, then that's great; equally if someone else finds my writing annoying then that's okay too! What I know without doubt is that I need to write - the more I do the more I feel it's what I must do.
Today I feel incredibly happy and grateful that I can and do have time in my day to write.   Writing is my gift to myself  and enables all my emotions, ideas and thoughts to glide as freely from me as the wind blowing unhindered through the trees. Find whatever it is that makes you feel free and do it!  Think not of your audience, but of how well you will sleep at night knowing you've been true to yourself. There really is no time like now to let go of the restrictions created in your mind by you, for you.
"Writing has been for me like a bath from which I have risen feeling cleaner, healthier, and freer." - Henrik Ibsen.
"A person is a fool to become a writer.  His only compensation is absolute freedom.  He has no master except his own soul, and that, I am sure, is why he does it." - Roald Dahl.

Not them, just us.

I long to be outdoors all of the time.  I get bundled up for the below zero temperatures, I turn my back on the prevailing gale force winds - ignoring bad behaviour as I do with a child.  Secretly I love all of it.  From the mundane to the extreme I am part of the great outdoors just as much as anything else "out there" in the natural world.
I have weather beaten hands, rough as a bricklayer who ignored health and safety regulations by never wearing protective gloves in his thirty year career.  It doesn't matter - they don't hurt me - my kids don't like them much, my husband cracks jokes about using them to sand down the woodwork before the next application of paint! I don't mind.
It's a small price to pay for staying outside where I feel completely connected to everything.
I get mildly irritated by man's involvement.  Long walks on the road can result in me having a heightened awareness of the weird camber of the road.  I know it's essential to allow surface water to drain off the hardened ground, but as a result I prefer to walk in the middle of the road, until I hear a car coming of course, more evasive action required because of man's involvement.
On Friday I'd been out for a walk on a grey windy day.  On my return home I opened my gate to find a blackbird welcoming me, simultaneously an inquisitive wren popped out from the stone wall to see what all the fuss was about, then quickly darted back into hiding.  I quietly envied them both.
I kept all my outdoor clothes on, made a hot drink and went back outside.  I lay flat on my wooden bench and just watched the grey sky.  There was much more going on that I'd appreciated on my walk.  This grey day was evolving and changing dramatically before my eyes.  Like the steam dancing from the boiling kettle the low clouds were steaming along at a great rate.  Every so often I caught a glimpse of the potential for a brighter, sunnier day - but the steaming clouds won. It didn't matter, I was mesmerised by nature in all it's glory.
If you're feeling disjointed and separate from the world I encourage you to go outside.  Just walk, or sit, cycle or jog - just breathe and observe all that's around you.  Be aware of your size and shape in the outside world.  Feel how much of you is in fact connected to everything else, the clouds, the air, the people, the birds - we are infinitely inseparable. - enjoy reminding you that the separateness you feel is created in your head, your body is well aware of the oneness of everything!
"But I'll tell you what hermits realise. If you go off into a far, far forest and get very quiet, you'll come to understand that you're connected with everything." - Alan Watts
"Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better." - Albert Einstein

To judge and condemn

One of the least endearing features of human nature is the tendency to judge and condemn another, usually without having any grounds or personal experience of that person to create an opinion.

Unfortunately, in the past I've been guilty of this too. A colleague or friend may have shared a story with me and before I'd even met the person my perception was altered so much that it didn't really matter how they behaved in my company, I saw them with that story playing over in the forefront of my mind.

They were tarnished.

But, or maybe thankfully as life lessons come in many guises; I have been on the receiving end too.  I have been that condemned person. I've had people cross the road to avoid me,  I've had my phone fall silent, in fact initially I thought there was a fault on the line!  I've heard and seen hatred spew from the mouths and eyes of people I once cared deeply for, and it was only then I realised in horrendously clear three dimensional techno-colour that I was on the receiving end of  a lie created by one, which caused a tidal wave of many to label and condemn me to the most isolating chapter of my life.  A chapter I'd like to forget - though I do believe now it was a blessing.

I learnt so much from that experience.  I learnt that I was stronger than I thought, though in the depths of my self enforced solitary confinement I wasn't sure I'd make it alone.  I learnt that in amongst the debris of chaotic knife throwing a very few, emotionally mature, grounded friends knew me better.  They didn't falter. They were so solid in their conviction to stand by me it made me cry many tears of gratitude. Twenty one years on, and they're all still in my life - only now we enjoy much lighter, fun times! We're no longer having to swerve and duck the deadly poisoned accusations of a man with an agenda.  Time has unfolded beautifully and the placement of my friends and family are testimony to the truth.

So, if you're on the receiving end of malicious rumour spreading -  firstly remember it WILL pass. Hold on tightly to those who truly know you. They will serve as a great reminder of the true essence of the best aspect of human nature, and their loyalty and love for you will get you over the isolation you feel in your heart.

If you, like so many of us, have heard a story ignore it and take time to speak with the person directly. Politely silence the gossip by telling him/her you don't wish to hear second hand stories about someone you barely know - be clear with them and explain you'd rather form your own opinion based on your personal -first hand experience.

At some point in life you will, most probably have the experience of being the judge, or the condemned - neither role is preferable to the other.  You are the only person who can judge or condemn your own actions, no-one else has to live with you but you!  Be kinder to others and yourself by accepting and acknowledging how fragile and flawed we all are.

"We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation."  - Paulo Coelho

Now is the time!

There really is no time like the present - literally. There is NO time like the present! How often have you found yourself talking yourself out of starting something that needs to be dealt with?  Instead of doing it, you catch yourself pondering, wondering, trawling, sifting, analysing and fretting, not just over what needs to be done, but over old stuff that has already happened, or might (and might not) happen in the future?!
Maybe it serves as an excellent diversion to avoid getting on with all that needs to be addressed today - right now - in this moment. I don't know, but what I do know is that there's nothing more satisfying to body and mind than taking action and completing whatever needs to be tackled.  Make yourself a promise that today you're going to take the first step towards attending to that thing that needs fixing, discussed or sorted - when you do you're just going to feel so pleased with yourself - and so you should! Remember, now is the only time we have, so do yourself a favour and don't put it off any longer!  
"Do it badly; do it slowly; do it fearfully; do it any way you have to, but do it." - Steve Chandler.

The strength to snap!

Sometimes an assumption is made about the strength of another. I often meet clients who are seen by others as being able to cope with anything life throws at them; and so begins a cycle which can be seriously detrimental to their health.
This self-defeating pattern often begins when they are called upon by a family member, friend or colleague to help with a situation that has developed, and they hear themselves saying, "Yes, of course..no problem!" Their headmind may initially be flattered by the fact that it's clear they're seen as focused, strong - maybe even infallible!
Putting aside any of their own needs they get stuck on that never-ending roller coaster of doing and doing and doing - and all of it for the benefit of others.
The bodymind will only tolerate this imbalance for so long - and if they don't gather the strength to speak up and ask for help the inevitable symptoms will begin.
How loud do your symptoms have to get before you stop and speak up?  Is there someone at your work, or in your family you know is dealing with too much, putting a brave face on it and resisting asking for help?  Do them a favour and get that conversation started.  Being strong is one thing - being strong enough to speak up when you want off the roller-coaster is another. Maybe you're the one who can help that person put the brakes on, or maybe you've started getting symptoms and are fumbling for the brakes yourself.  Know that the minute you reach out for help is the minute your body can start turning down the volume of your symptoms and help you get some balance back into your life.  Remember too, it really is okay to say, "No" and by doing so you will be able to say, "Yes" to more.  As soon as you make speaking up and creating balance in your own life the priority your body will truly celebrate that it can start freeing you from debilitating stress - related symptoms, so please, don't put it off any longer!
"When you say "yes" to others, make sure you are not saying "no" to yourself." - Paulo Coelho
"Saying yes to happiness means learning to say no to things and people that stress you out." - Thema Davis

We're a' Jock Tamson's bairns!

More often than not when I hear someone being described as, "eccentric" the description of them usually involves a shaking of the head, a rolling of the eyes and an acknowledgement that they're a bit, "out there". In actual fact, I find that those so called "eccentrics" are often beautifully connected to their authentic self. Frequently their living their lives in a far more honest way than those who let the combination of a deep rooted need to conform with a fear of standing out from the crowd dictate their behaviour and life choices.
Of course there are varying degrees of eccentricity - but providing someone isn't inflicting pain on another why do others condemn them?
I wonder if there is an element of jealousy?  Perhaps they provoke a sense of awe to the conformist observer who cannot even imagine how it must feel to be freed from their restrictive thoughts and beliefs? Maybe the idea that anyone can truly embrace life and be completely honest about what makes their heart sing proves too much for the conventionalist?
What is wrong with simply celebrating our differences in the knowledge that, for both the eccentric and the conformist, life will serve them the whole gamut of experiences?
Just remember, that underneath whatever we perceive in another, is a human being who feels pain, who laughs, who cries, who celebrates, who needs comfort and who grieves.  Could you, in this new year work on just letting others be who they want to be without judgement or condemnation?  
We really are, quite simply - all the same.  We're here, we're alive, and we're living our lives in a way that fits our unique individuality and personality.  Love it or loathe it, that's how people are - wouldn't it be easier and less upsetting just to love and accept others?
"It is not our differences that divide us.  It is our inability to recognise, accept, and celebrate those differences." - Audre Lorde
"We're a' Jock Tamson's bairns"  a phrase written in Lowland Scots and Northumbrian English from the 1800's meaning, "We're all the same under the skin."

The importance of paying attention.

I was given an iTunes voucher from my son-in-law Ewen for Christmas, and trawling through the vast range of music, books and videos on offer I stumbled across the downloadable audio book version of M.Scott Peck's, "The Road Less Travelled."  

Back in 1990 my Mum was reading that book and told me I should read it too - I was 22 years old and thought, "Yeah, whatever...maybe one day I will...doesn't she realise I'm VERY busy looking after my 2 daughters who are under 3 years old!" 

When I saw it on my iPad I thought to myself, "No excuses - now is the time to read it."  Well, in this case listen to it - though I have also managed to uncover Mum's original version in hardback with her name and address on the inside cover.

I'm about half way through it and I now understand why 23 years ago Mum was suggesting I read it!  

I was 24 years old when I had my first experience as a client having been referred through occupational health to the on-site clinical psychologist at the hospital.  

I was stressed out and not coping.

Mum had died. 

My marriage was over. 

I was skint.

I was nursing part time and had young children.

I hated feeling so out of control.

The first session involved me leaving the ward, still in my nurses uniform, going to his office and crying for an hour.

He said very little.

I hated him.

Idiot!

I saw him twice a week initially - which I now realise says a lot about the state I was in!

I never really warmed to him, though I'm sure he was excellent at his job, I wanted him to tell me what to do, tell me how to fix the way I was feeling - just TELL ME!

Of course, that wasn't the way he worked and each session was a truly painful experience. 

After 6 weeks I was only to see him once a week - that felt okay - it felt like I'd been promoted.

I saw him once a week for ages, though I can't remember how long exactly.  I never at any point enjoyed the experience but I did start to notice I was calmer, I was seeing life with a new clarity and didn't feel like I was in that horrible, dark tunnel walking on sponge.  Things were improving for me, and I felt stronger again.

After our last session I sent him a, "Thank you" card, though I felt like he had similar skills to that of an illusionist.  I never quite (at that time) understood what he did or how he did it!  

I know now, that he gave me space to reflect on all the shit that had happened, and gently guided me to be less judgemental of myself, more accepting that though I may not have made the best choices along the way, that did not in fact make me the devil incarnate.

So, back to, "The Road Less Travelled" - the subtitle of the book reads, "A new psychology of love, traditional values and spiritual growth"  and there lies the reason I think my Mum was gently nudging me to read it back in 1990.  Maybe I wasn't ready to read M. Scott Peck's words at that intense and challenging time, but maybe it would have saved me a lot of angst in the years that followed.  Who knows?

I wanted to share this story with you as this year the Christmas gift from my son in law has reminded me to pay attention to the gentle, loving "hints" we get from those that care about us. Maybe you can think of subtle, or maybe frank conversations someone close to you has had recently, and maybe you've chosen to ignore their suggestions.  Don't put it off for 23 years like I did! 

If Mum were here today I think she'd be rolling her eyes while saying, "Finally!  Better late than never I suppose!" 

"All you have to do is to pay attention; lessons always arrive when you are ready. and if you can read the signs, you will learn everything you need to know in order to take the next step." - Paulo Coelho