Wednesday, 24 August 2011

Turning the other cheek

My work and personal life have enabled me to both hear and witness life in full glorious (and sometimes not so glorious) technicolour. The hurt and pain experienced by those I work with often comes from their feeling let down, shocked, or shattered by the actions of someone close to them. Perhaps an accumulation of them turning the other cheek finally takes it's toll - their bodymind no longer allowing them to ignore outrageous, or just plain unacceptable behaviour towards them, and this "pile up" of held emotions results in de-pression, anxiety, IBS or non-specific pain.

Our expectations from those people closest to us are often created in our own heads, often as a result of what society dictates is the "norm" to be expected from a family member, colleague or boss. So when that publicly acceptable "norm" doesn't match what is being displayed in front of us we often come up with headmind justifications why this is happening. "Oh never mind....he was just having a bad day, it'll have blown over tomorrow!" or, "Yes but she's just venting at me because she knows I won't react, we all need to vent!"

It's very noble to turn the other cheek and to quickly be able to forgive someone for being hurtful, rude or just plain unkind, however there also comes a time when you should (and need to in fact) draw a line under a relationship where the person has become habitual in putting you down, criticising or disrespecting you.

Honour yourself, notice how you feel - of course there may be a sense of sadness when you end a relationship, but if the dynamics of your relationship are bully and victim, or demoralizer and enabler be your own friend and lovingly move away from that relationship.

"To love someone is to love their spirit - their essence. To seek to know them at their deepest level. To love what they love and to accept them fully for who they are." - Lowell Greenberg