I remember as a teenager being out dancing, drinking and having a laugh with my friends and having fleeting moments during the evening where, looking around me, I believed there was nothing better than what was happening right there in that moment! Head spinning, laughing though not always completely sure what was so funny, surrounded by friends - what could possibly be better?
But - there was always an emptiness in my heart - a heavy emptiness and I never thought to ask if anyone else was feeling it. It was always there just a bit irritating, no matter how much I drank it just niggled away at me, I tried to suffocate it, drown it but heavier it got.
Sometimes I'd drink so much I'd be sick. At that most undignified point I'd sometimes catch myself thinking, "Okay, you win...that's enough with the heaviness...you're ruining a good night!"
It took me a longer time that I'd have liked to come to the realisation that, whatever I needed to do to be free from that empty, but sorrowful heaviness in my heart, would only become clear when I got a clear head.
Giving up drinking was hard to begin with, but 6 years on I can't really imagine a time in the future where I'd include alcohol in a list of things to do to give me a better life!
I know sometimes people use alcohol to ease the stress they feel at work, or to help them relax and unwind - and for most people that's fine. However, you'll know yourself if you're simply enjoying one or two drinks for social reasons, or if your drinking has become a crutch to help you "get through" life's ups and downs. Either way, in an aligned state you already know what you need to do differently, if anything.
Nowadays I only get that heaviness when I'm feeling sad, and I'm holding it in. I should add, as soon as I feel it starting to get "weighty" I will find a way to express it. Sometimes, I don't want to - but I know the consequences of not practising emotional honesty - and I am not up for my body getting so annoyed that it starts increasing the volume of symptoms until I start speaking up!
Keep yourself open to the possibility that it might be in your best interest to make some changes in your life - and embrace this chance!"If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrow knows how to swim." - H. Jackson Brown Jr.