A deep sadness crept up on me today. My heavy heart felt cumbersome as I tried trundling on with my daily tasks - the intensity of my headminds interaction with me was such that there was no ignoring it! Bit by bit sad thoughts and memories crept into my mind and I felt heavy and tired.
I did think STOP! Then I shifted my awareness to my feet on the ground and tried to use all my senses to engage in the reality of NOW! It was then that I worked out (call me a genius if you like!) that I'm pre-menstrual, and it got me wondering....when folk have too much to drink they often expose a side of themselves seldom seen by others. Some might say, "the truth comes out" at those times.
Well, I don't drink any more - but I wonder if my PMS enables me to expose part of my true self I prefer, or choose, to keep hidden?
Of course I have sadness in my life, just as we all do, and I'd like to believe that I constructively express that sadness to my nearest and dearest friends as and when it arises. However I'm also willing to believe that sometimes I ignore it, believing that it will go away in time. But I know that holding in how we really feel will contribute to us developing physical symptoms, as that is the only tool the bodymind has to get our attention and encourage us to authentically express ourselves.
So, just as alcohol enables more freedom of expression to take place, with tongues loosening up and emotions tipping out, I wonder if my fluctuating hormones have the same effect?
Maybe, on the occasions I've not been as emotionally honest as I could be, my bodymind uses my hormonal changes like the release valve on a pressure cooker in order to avoid excessive build up and a return to symptoms.
Whatever it is - I feel better already having written this down!
All emotions are equally important and have a purpose, that purpose is to be constructively expressed. I mustn't see it as a sign of weakness that sometimes I get sad - I know my default setting is to have humour and laughter in my life - and sadness is okay too :)
"Women complain about pre-menstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." - Roseanne Barr