Saturday, 13 November 2010

Yes but...

When I'm teaching a client how to constructively express themselves I often hear the expression, "Yes, but....".
What usually follows is something like, "Yes, but.. there's no point in me saying that to that person as it won't change them.." or, "Yes, but..if I say that I might ruin my friendship with them or upset that person!"
Constructive expression is the opposite of destructive expression.
When we keep grounded, noticing what we feel and saying it while staying connected to our body, we are going to be in a calmer place. Our words will be clear, concise and the way we deliver it will be unpretentious, the result is that the person you're speaking to is more likely to actually hear you.
When we are "wound up" and stuck in our heads..hell bent on letting that person hear what WE FEEL we are wrapped up in our ego and can blurt out any number of emotive, hurtful words.
This is destructive expression and is not what the peace loving, all knowing bodymind wants for you.
"Yes, but ... what if" a sign that you are not staying grounded in this moment. You have moved away from your body and are predicting the future, analysing and over thinking what might or might not happen.
Remember your body does not differentiate between you holding in your grief, or holding in your joy. It wants all emotions to be expressed....while keeping an alignment between your body and your head!
Do not worry either if by saying what you really feel now your, "Yes but.." is concerned with it not being what others expect you to say - others who thought they knew you! This can be a liberating journey for you, a time to notice what you feel and a time for others to hear it - constructively!
Enjoy practising staying in the NOW!
"Be yourself and speak your mind today, though it contradict all you have said before." - Elbert Hubbard


  1. Wise words indeed. What would you say about when something happens and you get a sudden, physical rush of fear or anger? This seems to be your body rather than your mind, but it can lead you to say something sudden and harsh... Bodymind or headmind? Does it switch to headmind the minute you start to speak??

  2. That fight or flight response is a chemical one (adrenalin) and does come from the bodymind - and if we find ourselves saying something sudden or harsh we can rest assured the headmind has got involved! If you've ever been the first on the scene of an accident for example, adrenalin often has us aware of the physical changes in our body as we approach the scene, but we can stay very aligned as we see the seriousness of the situation facing us, and somehow manage to say and do the right things - only afterwards when we realise what we've dealt with (and engage the headmind fully in what we've just done) do we start to analysise and wonder how we did that!