Wednesday, 30 January 2013

It's not always about you...but it nearly is!

I often hear myself repeating to clients the importance of paying attention to their own needs, I explain how health promoting it is to speak up honestly and constructively about what those needs are.  There is a background fear, a belief commonly held by many of my clients that by asking for what they want they are therefore selfish, self absorbed, heartlessly showing no concern or care for the needs of others.
Changing those beliefs can be tricky, though not impossible! I encourage anyone who can recognise themselves as being "people pleasers" to stop before giving the standard, "Yes! I'll do it!" answer.  Explain you need time to decide if you can or indeed want to do what is being asked of you, and you will let them know in a couple of days.
Now, sit in a peaceful place and imagine yourself doing the task being asked of you.  What feelings come up?  Do you feel light or heavy?  Does it fill you with dread or a sense of fulfilment? Remember your body is the truth teller.  Pay close attention to what it's telling you.  If you decline the request that has been put to you by saying, "No, but thanks for asking me.  I simply can't take that on at this time." The lovely thing to remember is that the sun will continue to rise, the sea will ebb and flow and all will be well.
By being kinder to yourself and whenever possible taking on roles you want you will be healthier and therefore more able to be there for others in their time of need.
On that note...when we have been stretching ourselves too thinly and taking on too much we can often miss really important opportunities to be there for people we care about.  We get stuck in our heads saying all sorts of things like, "Oh they'll be fine - they have other folk with them just now."  "I'm too busy at the moment,  I'll call them later, they'll know I'm thinking of them."  "I think I'd be uncomfortable around them , I wouldn't know what to say." All headmind excuses which ultimately leave the person feeling regretful and sad they didn't give love and attention to a person, or people they care about.  Don't let the headmind sabotage your ability to give love, kindness and support when it matters.  Be at peace with being your complete and authentic self.
"No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each part is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main." - John Donne
"It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness." - Charles H. Spurgeon