Saturday, 24 July 2010

What our parents teach us

When I started doing reverse therapy I was quite amazed at how many of my clients had a parent with the same condition, ME/CFS, depression, or anxiety for example. Now, 6 years on I have a clearer idea of why this happens.
As we're growing up we learn so much from our parents or the significant adults around us. If a parent is very good at hiding how they really feel and putting a brave face on for their children then they will learn to apply the same principle to their life.
Now those of you who know about RT will recognise that by living our life "appearing" to others that we're fine and unaffected by life's ups and downs will inevitably lead us to developing symptoms - and while we're doing that we're also teaching our children how to live this way and end up with the HM / BM split which leads to a variety of dis-eases.
So, when I work with a new client I often say to them, "Would friends describe you as someone who is rarely up or down, always the same and easy to get along with?" They usually nod in keen agreement and then I add..."That's what I thought - and that will be part of the reason you're having some of these awful symptoms!"
Practise even in just a small way, noticing what you feel when you're with a friend or colleague, someone you would normally be upbeat and cheerful with and just be completely authentic about what you're really feeling at that time. Bit by bit as your BM witnesses you putting this "authentic you" into place you will start to feel so much better you'll want to practise more and more, until putting on the face that says, "I'm fine, nothing troubles me EVER!" will be a faint memory!

"Children learn very fast and are usually more willing to respond to true principles and change than adults...........When parents condemn or ridicule a child for his feelings, he becomes confused. A child views his parents as knowing everything and always being right. So, he thinks something must be wrong with him - that he doesn't know what he is feeling. He may say or think to himself, " I must not know what I'm feeling because Mom or Dad said so." When this happens over and over, the child starts to doubt himself. When the self-doubt is consistently reinforced, eventually, he will turn his feelings off, because emotionally it is too painful to be unsure of himself and his feelings on a continual basis." - Karol K. Truman


  1. popped over to your site after reading a comment you wrote about "the artist's way"- loved that book. i worked thru it with a group years ago. still do my morning pages pretty regularly...

  2. Hi Kerri, Yes I've just started with the morning pages! I've not finished the book yet, but I love the ideas in it. Thanks for adding your comment! K x